Why Would You Forgive Someone Who Hurt You?

Healing Mentor Self-Care

The phrase “forgive and forget” may come off as cliché and might be easily dismissed by someone who has been violated and living with righteous indignation. If you’ve been hurt, it might feel ridiculous to think about forgiving someone who hurt you but hear me out, there are important reasons why offering forgiveness can help.

You may not see the forest for the trees when it comes to forgiveness, but there are valuable reasons why you should consider forgiveness as one of the options related to your anger, sadness, or other emotions tied to your situation.

Take a look at these reasons why you may want to forgive someone who hurt you:

Your emotions are unresolved: As long as you carry the emotions tied to your situation, they will remain unresolved. Feeling angry, bitter, sad, or any other negative emotion comes from the space that wants justice and vindication. Mixed in with the muck and the mire are all sorts of distorted thoughts that perpetuate your unresolved emotions. This can make a mountain out of a molehill and rob you of the happiness that coexists with your pain. Letting go of the blame and need for vindication makes it possible to move through the situation and on with your life.

Pent up anger can cause physical illness: Your bitterness or pain can morph into real physical illness, robbing you further than you’ve already been. Keeping the offense unresolved can lead to high blood pressure, anxieties, and worse. Doing your body the favor by forgiving can help ensure your health stays intact.

Forgiving can restore what has been lost: Sometimes the rift between two people grows bigger than necessary. The pain lingers, the resentment grows, and the damage takes on a life of its own. Hashing things out and forgiving can allow for a restoration and resolution more often than not. In times where the issues at hand are too grave and too big to resolve, forgiveness can still make it possible to stop the feedback loop playing in your head. If restoration may not be wise, letting go of what is eating you up is worth the effort.  

The benefits of forgiving and forgetting are emotional, physical, and practical. Walking around with chronic anger and resentment can bleed over into all areas of life. By finding the courage and practical ways to forgive, you can move through your negative emotions and into the better space of acceptance, healthy boundaries, and grace.

Other Articles on Forgiveness:

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How to Practice Meditation: A Beginner’s Guide

Healing Meditation Mentor Self-Care Spirituality

Meditation is a transformative practice that can bring calmness, clarity, and inner peace to your life. If you’re new to meditation, it’s essential to start with a basic technique that allows you to ease into the practice gradually. In this blog post, we will explore a simple yet effective meditation technique that will help you establish a strong foundation for your meditation practice.

Choose a Quiet and Distraction-Free Space: To create the ideal environment for meditation, find a quiet spot in your home or any other location where you can have some privacy. Turn off or put away any potential distractions, such as your phone, television, or other electronic devices. If you prefer, you can play soft and repetitive music in the background to enhance the ambiance.

Set a Time Limit: Especially when starting out, it’s helpful to set a specific time limit for your meditation sessions. Begin with shorter sessions of about 5 to 10 minutes. As you become more comfortable, you can gradually increase the duration. Remember, it’s more important to maintain consistency in your practice than to meditate for an extended period sporadically.

Get Comfortable and Be Mindful of Your Body: Find a comfortable seated position that allows you to relax while maintaining an alert posture. You can choose to sit cross-legged on a cushion or mat, or if that is uncomfortable, sit on a chair with your feet flat on the ground. Keep your spine straight and relaxed, allowing for a natural alignment. Rest your hands on your lap or thighs in a position that feels comfortable for you.

Focus on Your Breathing: Bring your attention to your breath, using it as an anchor for your meditation. Take slow, deep breaths, allowing your belly to expand as you inhale and gently contract as you exhale. Observe the sensation of the breath as it enters and leaves your body. Stay present with each breath, letting go of any distractions or thoughts that may arise.

Notice Your Thoughts Without Judgment: During meditation, your mind will naturally wander, and thoughts will arise. It’s important to remember that the goal is not to clear your mind completely but to observe your thoughts without judgment. When you notice your mind drifting, gently redirect your attention back to your breath. Avoid analyzing or getting caught up in your thoughts—simply acknowledge them and let them go.

Start with Short Sessions and Gradually Increase: As a beginner, it’s recommended to start with shorter meditation sessions and gradually increase the length as you become more experienced. Starting with 5 to 10 minutes is a good starting point. Over time, you can extend your sessions to 15, 20, or even 30 minutes. The key is to be patient with yourself and allow your practice to unfold naturally.

Be Consistent and Practice Daily: Consistency is crucial in meditation. Aim to meditate every day, even if it’s just for a few minutes. By establishing a regular practice, you will experience the cumulative benefits of meditation over time. Treat your meditation practice as a self-care ritual and make it a non-negotiable part of your daily routine.

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Welcome to the World of Forgiveness: A Guide to Understanding and Letting Go

Healing Mentor Self-Care

This is the first in a series of informative articles about forgiving someone who has hurt you. It covers topics such as recognizing when it is appropriate to forgive, understanding the benefits of forgiveness, and tips on how to take the first steps towards forgiveness. It also explores the psychological and emotional consequences of not forgiving someone. The article will provide readers with a greater understanding of the importance of forgiveness, as well as practical advice on how to forgive someone who has hurt them.

Before we go further I feel it is important to define what forgiveness is and what it is not. Forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.

For givenness is not glossing over or denning the seriousness of an offense against you. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean condoning or excusing offenses. Though forgiveness can help repair a damaged relationship, it doesn’t obligate you to reconcile with the person who harmed you or release them from legal accountability.

When we forgive, we bring peace of mind to and free ourselves from corrosive anger.

True forgiveness involves letting go of deeply held negative feelings. In that way, it empowers you to recognize the pain you suffered without letting that pain define you, enabling you to heal and move on with your life.

Other Articles on Forgiveness:

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The Right Doctor for the Right Reason

Body Image Healing Self-Care

Would you go to the baker for advice on cooking a roast? Would you ask your pharmacist to tell you how to change a tire? Likely not. You would likely ask the butcher how to prepare the best cut of meat for your Sunday dinner and consult a mechanic about how to properly change your flat. Seeking medical attention should be equally thought out.

The field of medicine is vast and incredibly concise. There are doctors who specialize in every aspect of the human body and its functions. Seeking the right doctor for the right reason is the key to optimizing your health care.


So, how do you do that?

Most people have what is called a primary care physician or General Practitioner. This means there is a point person who oversees your medical care on the day-in and day-out basis. This physician is likely the one you see when you have a cold or flu, sprained ankle, or a concern that you need help with. This physician generally conducts your annual well-care exams and maintains most of your baseline information and medical history.

When your primary care physician senses that an issue may require specialized opinions, diagnosis, or care, he or she will likely refer you to a specialist. They often have colleagues that they work closely with, or a network of providers whom they can connect their patients with, to take a more in-depth look.

If you have medical insurance, your carrier may have a protocol for finding, engaging, and paying for services from a specialist. Consult your agent or manual for details on how to access specialized care.

So, when should you seek a specialist?

A specialist is in order when your issue is very specific. Generalized issues are usually managed by primary care physicians or urgent care clinics. Here are some examples of when a specialist might be in order:

You have an acute injury or illness such as a broken bone or heart attack

You need follow-up care from an injury or illness

You have been diagnosed with a specific disease

You have a chronic issue that hasn’t responded to treatment

You have a recommendation from your primary care physician

These are only a few examples of reasons you should seek a specialist. Consult with your primary care physician if you are not sure what your next steps should be.

Just as you seek out the perfect provider in other areas of life, you should seek out the best physician for the intricate areas of your medical care. There is a right doctor for the right reason who can swiftly diagnose your case, provide quality care, and shorten the length of your healing.

See the other articles in the series:

  1. Should You Go to the Doctor if You are Healthy?
  2. 3 Reasons You Should See the Doctor Every Year
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3 Reasons You Should See the Doctor Every Year

Body Image Healing Self-Care

Do you see your physician annually for a well-care checkup? You should! Our health and risk factors consistently change over time. Each year our bodies change, and regular checkups can prevent some diseases entirely.

If you haven’t established a relationship with a primary care physician, it is highly recommended. While urgent care facilities are great for injuries and issues like the cold and flu, having a primary care doctor and building a relationship can be a lifesaving decision.

Even if you only see your primary care doctor once per year, seeing the same person and establishing a relationship with them and their staff can benefit you in ways you may not have thought of. Here are three reasons you should see a doctor every year:

To gather baseline information- Each year, your body changes. Seeing your physician each year provides vital information that can be compared over time. Your baseline is how your body presents in its normal and high-functioning state. Each time you come back and have new tests, those results can be compared to prior tests and changes can be identified easier.

Seeing the same provider over time allows them to have a better perspective when reviewing your annual information and can make a big difference in catching potential problems earlier and provide higher quality care.

To receive an education- Seeing a physician annually can give you an education on what is important at that moment to maximize your health – from explaining typical concerns for your health and wellbeing to making suggestions for you to change and increase your quality of life or decrease something that may be affecting you negatively.

Education is a vital aspect of health care. You can’t change or introduce something into your life if you are unaware that you should. Your physician is trained to know what to look for and what to do based on the information he gathers from your annual exam or specialty screening.

To learn prevention- Similar to education, prevention is key to avoid future illness and suffering. From preventive tests to actions that stop the advancement of other issues, seeing your physician annually can make all the difference when it comes to avoiding health issues down the line.  

Related Posts:

Should You Go to the Doctor if You are Healthy?

The Risks You Take When You Don’t See the Doctor

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Should You Go to the Doctor if You are Healthy?

Body Image Healing Mentor Self-Care

Have you been blessed with relatively good health? Do you find that you don’t use the services of a doctor very often and likely wouldn’t seek their help unless you were seriously ill? That’s a very common mindset. Why would you go to the doctor when you aren’t sick?

In reality, well-care is an important way to stay ahead of diseases and their devastating effects. While the common cold and flu won’t necessarily cause you too much harm, other illnesses will. Many things that can hurt us or seriously affect our health do not present with dramatic symptoms until things have gotten out of hand. Well-care can prevent the escalation of disease that can morph and lead to life-threatening issues.

You may recall taking your child to the doctor for well-baby checkups when they were developing through their first two years of life. These visits were designed to help your baby stay on track with its development and intervene if something wasn’t quite right. The frequency of visits made health care easy and prevention a sure thing. After your child reached two, these visits dropped off to as-needed.

While you likely don’t need to visit the physician as often as a new baby, there is value in regular annual visits as well as milestone visits as we age. An annual exam can alert your physician to changes in your body and its systems that you may not notice on the day-to-day. Having a ‘baseline’ of your blood work, and laying eyes on your physical being, can help prevent illness and/or enable early intervention if something comes up.

Some common annual tests include:

  • Full blood panel
  • Pap smear and other gynecological exams
  • Breast checks
  • Prostate checks
  • Mole and skin checks
  • Hearing and sight exams

Not so common – but equally important – checks as we age include:

  • Colonoscopy
  • Memory and cognitive functioning
  • Cancer screenings
  • STD and HIV screenings
  • Diabetes screenings

If you haven’t given much thought to your health because it has been awesome, consider keeping it that way by getting a routine physical or specialty screening to preserve your health and head off any diseases that might come up.

Routine health care and wellness checkups are a smart and responsible way to manage your health and save money. Contact your health provider today and see what they suggest for your age and risk factors.

Related Posts:

3 Reasons You Should See the Doctor Every Year

The Risks You Take When You Don’t See the Doctor

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How Mindfulness Can Help Your Relationships

Healing Meditation Mentor Mindfulness

Humans are pack animals. Aside from being off the grid in the remote Arctic Outback, we are all in relationships. These relationships range from intimate to casual depending on the value we place on them. Being mindful can enhance all relationships and make them easier and more meaningful.

Relationships like:

  • Parent-Child
  • Husband-Wife
  • Siblings
  • Community

Your mindfulness can make each of these relationships better. By taking simple steps, you can maximize your relationships and make them healthier and easier to be in. Let’s take a look:

Parent-Child: The parent-child relationship morphs all the time. In infancy, the parent-child bond feels unbreakable. Over time as personalities emerge, it takes more effort to stay connected. Being mindful enhances the relationship by focusing intently on what matters most.

Pro tip: Realize your child is not an extension of you. As they grow, they develop a unique personality that may be similar to one of their parents or not. View your child through a crystal-clear filter that allows them to explore their own interests and develop their individual personality. Support them by showing interest in what matters to them.

Husband-Wife: The husband-wife relationship has every possibility in the world to be rock solid and tight or every chance to disintegrate and become underwhelming. Mindfulness guards against losing touch or growing apart. Being in tune to your spouse and cultivating your marriage is a high-form of mindfulness.

Pro tip: Learn your spouse’s love language. This is one of five distinct ways your spouse gives and receives love. Being able to pour into your spouse in a way that truly matters to them is an excellent form of mindfulness.

Siblings: Siblings are a unique relationship. There are many who are well-connected and remain close throughout life while others drift and become disconnected. Fragmented families are a North American tragedy that can be avoided by being mindful in maintaining your sibling relationships.

Pro tip: Make a sibling vacation an annual event. Do the things that are unique to your family and make space to keep the bond strong and alive. No spouses, no kids – just the siblings doing the things that remind them of where they come from and the importance of family bonds.

Community- We bounce against people all day long in our community. From the receptionist at the dentist’s office to the clerk at the grocery store, we are in community every time we make a transaction. Being mindful of each person you encounter can make an important impact in both of your lives.

Pro tip: Look people in the eye. As we move through the day, busy and overwhelmed, it is easy to make transactions quickly with little personal engagement. Make a point to look everyone you meet in the eye. This shows confidence and interest in others, which oftentimes wins friends and influences others.

Your mindfulness can make an impact everywhere. From inside your home to inside the doctor’s office and everywhere in between. Be mindful and aware and watch your happiness quotient rise as you gain favor with your intent.

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Three Unexpected Benefits of Camping

Mentor Self-Care

Are you a happy camper? Is camping something you recall doing as a child but haven’t managed to do as an adult? Do you pass RVs and trailers on the road and wonder where the drivers are headed and what adventures await them?

Camping is an excellent way to see new places, do new things, and meet new people. Camping narrows life down to a micro-focus and leaves many things behind for another day. Camping connects us with nature, like-minded people, centers us, and reconnects us with God or the universe as a whole.

There are easily recognizable benefits to camping. Getting away from the hustle and bustle of life, eating fun camping foods, and sitting around the fire and reconnecting. Each of these in and of itself are beautiful things, but there are some unexpected benefits to camping as well.

Take a look.

Camping:

  • Reminds you to slow down and get some fresh perspective
  • Helps you appreciate the small things and simplicities of life
  • Keeps you focused on the present and being connected with nature

Slow down and see what happens- The days leading up to a camping trip can be hectic. Organizing the equipment and provisions needed for the trip can be time consuming. Getting your workload handled for time off and being disconnected can feel like a lot of work. Setting up camp and unpacking may be a bit draining, but once the work is done and you begin to take in the atmosphere – the sights, sounds, smells, and tastes – everything changes. Everything seems to slow down, and perspective starts to change.

From sleeping under the stars to cooking breakfast over an open fire, the simplicity and beauty of it all can invigorate and excite you. Lazy days reading books, taking hikes, or chatting with family and friends feels better than it does back home. Over the course of the trip, new perspectives about what matters most tend to shift.

Toilet paper and clean water- Depending on the type of camping you do; you may have an unusual bathroom situation and may or may not have access to limitless clean water. Being forced to use less and make do helps you appreciate the small things. Camping creates a minimalist environment where creativity is key. From conserving water to cooking in creative ways, there are so many small details that come into play that change perspectives.

Wind in the trees and what’s that noise? – Camping is a delight for the senses. Bacon has never smelled as good as it does when camping. The sound of the wind in the trees and the sight of stars at night are magnified. Camping narrows your focus to what is happening in the moment and right in front of you. From heightened hearing, listening for animals both friend and foe, to seeing plants and flowers that aren’t typical in your area, camping keeps you connected with nature in a way you simply don’t do at home.

There are many joys that come with camping. Some obvious and some not so much. Camping can help reset your senses and reconnect you to those you love and the beauty all around you.

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Increase Your Mental Health by Going Outdoors

Healing Mentor

Depending on where you live, you may or may not spend much time outdoors. You may or may not have a lifestyle that is integrated with being outside, and you may or may not know the direct benefits that come from spending quality time in nature. Whether you are tuned-in entirely to the wonders that come from being out of the house or have no experience with outdoor activities – there is literally a world waiting for you.

Studies have shown the dramatic benefits that being outside has on physical and mental health. We are designed specifically to be rejuvenated and nourished by fresh air and the vitamins and minerals that come from being in the sun and among the elements. Our human bodies were designed with the expectation to be outside and operate better when outdoor activities are a common practice.

Let’s look at unexpected ways that going outside makes an impact on our bodies and mental health

Better Scenery- From a hike in the woods to walking the beach, being outside offers scenery that is breathtaking. Whether exploring your backyard and all of the wonders you have locally or traveling – domestic and foreign – there is unlimited opportunity to see the wonders of the world. Taking in the beauty of nature elevates your compassion, your self-esteem, your appreciation, and your understanding of a world bigger than yourself.

Better Bones- Vitamin D is found most readily in nature. Being in the sun daily from 5 to 15 minutes can increase the levels of Vitamin D in your body. When the sun is absorbed through the arms, hands, and face, Vitamin D works to develop stronger bones. Though long exposure to sun at peak times – usually 10:00 a.m. until 4:00 p.m. – can be damaging, responsible exposure to the sun is an important part of staying healthy and building stronger bones.

Better Mood- Light and dark work in tandem to create hormones that regulate mood. Being in the sun increases serotonin which supports energy, happiness, and mood during the day. Melatonin is produced at night which helps with restful and restorative sleep. Being in the sun regularly can prevent depression and increase energy levels. 

Better Skin- Some skin conditions like eczema and acne benefit from sunlight. The healing and drying properties that come from the sun can reduce the frequency and intensity of some skin conditions. 

Better Health- Being in nature generally requires movement. Whether hiking, biking, swimming, walking, running, or simply playing with your children, there are limitless ways to be outside. Being active – rain or shine – builds healthy muscles, and fresh air clears your mind and removes stress. The more you are outdoors, the more you are incorporating movement with your lifestyle and your overall health will improve. Being outdoors is one of the easiest ways to reduce stress, enjoy nature, and build a better body inside and out. Find new ways to enjoy being outside and discover a fresh new perspective and a renewed body.

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Journaling

Anxiety Healing Meditation Mentor

Journaling

When I first started journaling, I had no idea how it worked. I thought it was just recording what happened during my day.  As I got older and started to understand what a wonderful tool it is.

Journaling allows you to work through your emotions and dive deeper into your everyday thoughts and behaviors.

  • Having trouble knowing what write or feeling uninspired.  Try doodling drawing etc to get juices flowing.
  • Create a running list of journal prompts that you can turn to in a pinch.
  • If physically writing out your thoughts is causing writer’s block, don’t force yourself to stick with it. You can type in Google docs or use your phone’s notepad application. Digital journals are easy to back up, access, and organize.
  • Let yourself be messy, your journal isn’t here to look pretty. It’s here for you to explore your thoughts, work through big emotions, and encourage introspection.
  • Don’t Edit as You Go – If you make a mistake, scribble it out and keep going. ‘Mistakes” distract you from your train of thought.
  • Carry Your Journal at All Times, you can write whenever inspiration strikes (and you have a few minutes to spare!) Can’t write the entry immediately, jot down a vague heading and some bullet points containing your thoughts and ideas. Later, you can remind yourself what you thought and write the full entry.
  • Write to Yourself – great way to track your progress and growth. Try to remember what it was like to be 5, 10, or 20 years younger. What were you worried about? What were your dreams? After putting yourself in a smaller pair of your own shoes, write a letter to that version of yourself.
  • Write about the people you know now, your job, your family, your pets, your habits, things you’ve overcome, and areas where you’ve changed. Compare and contrast your life now and then.
  • Write About What You Want – don’t force yourself to write about something that irritates you. Your journal is a tool meant for your benefit and growth. If you hate a prompt, get annoyed with a specific journal structure, or find an entire guided journal infuriating – you don’t have to stick with it.
  • Write In Different Places – they can trigger different memories and bring out different aspects of your personality
  • Turn Off Distractions
    • Turn off your phone if you can, otherwise put it on silent and place it face down. Put away anything that will distract you as you’re writing.
  •  Set a Timer – set a judgment-free timer for 10 or 15 minutes. If the timer  goes off and you’ve found a flow or are on a thought path you want to dive deeper into, you can continue! But you can’t stop until the timer goes off.

Stream of Consciousness  – write down whatever pops into your head. Don’t worry about finishing sentences – if your thoughts switch, your writing must too!

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