Forgiveness may not be second nature. It will come with practice and some cool tips. If you’re ready to let go and move on from blame to freedom, there are tips that will make the journey easier. Being able to share the impact that the situation has had on you and ask questions that bring closure and clarity is very healing. Finally, finding compassion for others – through realizing your own humanness – will humble you and make offering forgiveness easier than you may think.

Tip #1. Share the impact. A key component for forgiveness is sharing the impact that the situation has had on you. Holding the innermost feelings you have inside isn’t healing. Sharing the truth about how the situation impacts you is key to letting go and being able to move on. You have the right to share how you feel but do your best to use language that isn’t cruel or shaming. Being able to state your feelings in a mature way will go miles towards restoration and offering grace in a difficult time. Sometimes hearing the impact that actions have had while withholding blame and judgement can allow for someone to truly change from the inside out.

Tip #2. Ask questions. After you share your thoughts and forgiveness is on the table, ask any questions that come to mind. Sometimes being able to clarify can add to the healing. Many a misunderstanding has been resolved when details are shared. Sometimes relationships can grow deeper and more connected after conversations explore deeper into what happened, and forgiveness comes. 

Tip #3. Find compassion. Compassion is the common ground that allows forgiveness to grow in difficult soil. One of the easiest ways to find compassion is to think of a time when you needed forgiveness as well. Recalling times when we messed up or blundered can make offering forgiveness easier. Depending on how deep the cut, leaning on our own humanness can make offering forgiveness easier.

If forgiving and forgetting is new to you, then you will benefit from these practical tips to effectively offer forgiveness, but what happens when you can’t get the resolutions suggested in these tips? Perhaps someone has died, and you can’t share the impact or ask questions. Maybe the relationship isn’t healthy enough or safe enough for you to have a conversation. You can still go through the motions. Try meeting with a counselor or trusted friend and role play the situation.

Other Articles on Forgiveness:

• Welcome to the World of Forgiveness: A Guide to Understanding and Letting Go
• Why Would You Forgive Someone Who Hurt You?
• Is Forgiving and Forgetting Really Possible?
• Three Tips to Effectively Offer Forgiveness
• Practicing the Art of Forgiveness in Everyday Life
• Asking for Forgiveness When You’ve Made a Mistake

You may have agreed theoretically that forgiving and forgetting is possible, but is it really? Absolutely – with time, patience, and grace. Having a forgiving nature may not be a natural state of being but it can become part of your relationships tool kit.

Before we look at how to forgive, let’s look at why people don’t forgive:

It feels unfair- It feels unfair to forgive someone who seemingly might be getting away with doing a very bad thing. It doesn’t match up with the idea of justice to not hold someone accountable and require restitution for their offense. It feels like your pain isn’t valid or important enough and that the offender is going to go without truly understanding the impact their actions have on you and others.

It feels good- The only reason someone holds onto negative feelings is that they are getting something out of it. Holding a grudge and being hostile feels good. It feels good to know someone owes you for their transgression. It feels good to be the center of other people’s sympathies and caring inquiries. Though it’s not socially fashionable to admit it, sometimes there is a weird celebrity to being a victim.

So, is forgiving and forgetting really possible?

If you are ready to let go of the weight that comes from staying stuck in the unfairness and victimhood, it is entirely possible to forgive. 

It is possible to forgive and forget when these things come into play:

You can see more than one angle to situation- In rare cases, the families of murder victims have found it in their hearts to offer forgiveness to people who have taken their loved ones. Looking past the offense and examining the circumstances in totality, they are able to humanize the offender and find it in their hearts to forgive and, in some cases, build a relationship that transcends the situation.

You can see a bigger picture- From knowing it is in your best interest physically and emotionally, to knowing that it’s ultimately best for others, forgiveness can come when you see a bigger picture. This holds true in divorce. Pain can be set aside for the benefit of children or extended family; forgiveness is key to co-parenting and harmony.

Other Articles on Forgiveness:

• Welcome to the World of Forgiveness: A Guide to Understanding and Letting Go
• Why Would You Forgive Someone Who Hurt You?
• Is Forgiving and Forgetting Really Possible?
• Three Tips to Effectively Offer Forgiveness
• Practicing the Art of Forgiveness in Everyday Life
• Asking for Forgiveness When You’ve Made a Mistake

The phrase “forgive and forget” may come off as cliché and might be easily dismissed by someone who has been violated and living with righteous indignation. If you’ve been hurt, it might feel ridiculous to think about forgiving someone who hurt you but hear me out, there are important reasons why offering forgiveness can help.

You may not see the forest for the trees when it comes to forgiveness, but there are valuable reasons why you should consider forgiveness as one of the options related to your anger, sadness, or other emotions tied to your situation.

Take a look at these reasons why you may want to forgive someone who hurt you:

Your emotions are unresolved: As long as you carry the emotions tied to your situation, they will remain unresolved. Feeling angry, bitter, sad, or any other negative emotion comes from the space that wants justice and vindication. Mixed in with the muck and the mire are all sorts of distorted thoughts that perpetuate your unresolved emotions. This can make a mountain out of a molehill and rob you of the happiness that coexists with your pain. Letting go of the blame and need for vindication makes it possible to move through the situation and on with your life.

Pent up anger can cause physical illness: Your bitterness or pain can morph into real physical illness, robbing you further than you’ve already been. Keeping the offense unresolved can lead to high blood pressure, anxieties, and worse. Doing your body the favor by forgiving can help ensure your health stays intact.

Forgiving can restore what has been lost: Sometimes the rift between two people grows bigger than necessary. The pain lingers, the resentment grows, and the damage takes on a life of its own. Hashing things out and forgiving can allow for a restoration and resolution more often than not. In times where the issues at hand are too grave and too big to resolve, forgiveness can still make it possible to stop the feedback loop playing in your head. If restoration may not be wise, letting go of what is eating you up is worth the effort.  

The benefits of forgiving and forgetting are emotional, physical, and practical. Walking around with chronic anger and resentment can bleed over into all areas of life. By finding the courage and practical ways to forgive, you can move through your negative emotions and into the better space of acceptance, healthy boundaries, and grace.

Other Articles on Forgiveness:

• Welcome to the World of Forgiveness: A Guide to Understanding and Letting Go
• Why Would You Forgive Someone Who Hurt You?
• Is Forgiving and Forgetting Really Possible?
• Three Tips to Effectively Offer Forgiveness
• Practicing the Art of Forgiveness in Everyday Life
• Asking for Forgiveness When You’ve Made a Mistake

This is the first in a series of informative articles about forgiving someone who has hurt you. It covers topics such as recognizing when it is appropriate to forgive, understanding the benefits of forgiveness, and tips on how to take the first steps towards forgiveness. It also explores the psychological and emotional consequences of not forgiving someone. The article will provide readers with a greater understanding of the importance of forgiveness, as well as practical advice on how to forgive someone who has hurt them.

Before we go further I feel it is important to define what forgiveness is and what it is not. Forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.

For givenness is not glossing over or denning the seriousness of an offense against you. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean condoning or excusing offenses. Though forgiveness can help repair a damaged relationship, it doesn’t obligate you to reconcile with the person who harmed you or release them from legal accountability.

When we forgive, we bring peace of mind to and free ourselves from corrosive anger.

True forgiveness involves letting go of deeply held negative feelings. In that way, it empowers you to recognize the pain you suffered without letting that pain define you, enabling you to heal and move on with your life.

Other Articles on Forgiveness:

• Welcome to the World of Forgiveness: A Guide to Understanding and Letting Go
• Why Would You Forgive Someone Who Hurt You?
• Is Forgiving and Forgetting Really Possible?
• Three Tips to Effectively Offer Forgiveness
• Practicing the Art of Forgiveness in Everyday Life
• Asking for Forgiveness When You’ve Made a Mistake