Asking Out Loud Helps You Figure Out What You Really Want

Self-Care

Have you ever witnessed a two-and-a-half-year-old child have a meltdown for what seems like no reason at all? Parents of toddlers know that oftentimes, the child doesn’t really know what it is that they want. They can’t yet articulate their desires clearly enough to avoid the emotional meltdown.

The best way to help a toddler through the cognitive process of asking for help is to get them talking out loud. The process of talking helps them identify the pieces of the puzzle in their mind, and helps them start to put those pieces together. Soon we realize that she wants her dolly to eat a bowl of pretend mashed potatoes while she rides the unicorn.

Nothing much changes as we develop into adulthood. We sometimes need to process out loud to figure things out. Our mind can work in loops. We go over and over the things that weigh on us, and sometimes the only way to break the loop is to speak out loud with someone else who can help us process those thoughts.

Asking out loud helps you figure out what you want, because there is someone else in the conversation to ask clarifying questions. These questions require you to sort through the issue and get very clear on what you need in the way of help.

Having someone to process with you isn’t the only way to verbally sort through and identify what you really want. You can have a conversation with yourself when no one else is available. Speaking and processing out loud is no different than practicing a speech or public speaking. The more you hear your own voice, the better you can identify with what is being said. Things always sound clearer when spoken aloud than when heard in our minds.

Try recording yourself and replaying the one-way conversation. These voice notes are a great way to process out loud and you can go back to review the ideas and details. This is a perfect way of capturing information when the issue is at the top of your mind -whether you are driving, exercising, or otherwise unable to write anything down. Most smartphones have a voice note app factory-installed.

Sometimes the best way to sort through a problem and ask for help is to process the issue out loud in conversation. Whether you have the help of a friend, your smartphone, or are speaking to no one in particular, the act of speaking out loud helps you figure out what you really want. From there you can prepare to get the help you need.

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Don’t Expect Others to Read Your Mind

Self-Care

We’ve all been there. We’ve all needed help and wished someone would see our need and feel compelled to fill it. We do so much for others without asking for anything in return and wish our efforts would be validated when we need assistance.

This simply isn’t practical and is the root cause for many of the issues that come out on a therapist’s couch. To receive help, we need to actually articulate our need – and get specific about it. We can’t expect anyone to read our mind.

Only a very small segment of the population can be micro-focused enough to see when someone needs help and be able to make things easier without being prompted. The theory called The Diffusion Of Responsibility states that people are less likely to take responsibility and do something if others are present. There is a sense that someone else will surely step in and take the lead. Without the ask, the need remains unmet.

 So, why don’t people ask for help? Reasons like:

  • Fear
  • Pride
  • Being Overwhelmed
  • Confusion

The most effective course of action to get support is knowing what you want, being prepared for help, and asking for help.

Know what you want. This seems simple – but is it? You may know you want help cleaning the house, and you likely have a running list in your head of the chores that could be done. In order to ask for help, your recruits will need to know which chores need to be covered and what your expectations are for their completion. The more specific you are about what you need, the better.

Be prepared for help. Before you ask, be prepared. Have what you need on hand for the people supporting you. Do you need any physical items to get the help you need? Will the people supporting you need resources to help? Know what is needed to get the job done, and be ready with it when the time comes. You may have a running list in your head of what it takes to get the task completed, but that info has got to be transferred to the people helping you out.

Ask for help. Be direct. This doesn’t mean being forceful, bossy, or rude. Just be direct. “I need help getting Sarah to school on Tuesday morning, would she be able to catch a ride with you if I have her ready to go at 7:00 am?”

In this scenario, you are stating what you want, specifying that you will have your daughter ready at a very specific time, and being direct about what you need for support. All the bases are covered.

When life feels overwhelming, we may need a hug – and we will certainly need help. Confusing the need for emotional support with material support can be dangerous. If you need help, understand that people can’t read your mind. They will likely be supportive if you know what you need, are prepared for them to help, and you ask them directly for their help.

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The Vital Connection Why Physical Health Is Essential for Spiritual Well-being

Healing Self-Care Spirituality

In our pursuit of a fulfilling and meaningful life, we often tend to overlook the intrinsic connection between physical health and spiritual well-being. While spiritual health is commonly associated with practices such as meditation, prayer, and self-reflection, the significance of physical health should not be underestimated. In this blog post, we will explore the profound interdependence between physical and spiritual health and why nurturing our physical bodies is vital for our spiritual growth.

  1. The Temple of the Soul: Our bodies serve as the vessels for our souls, and by taking care of our physical health, we honor this sacred connection. When we neglect our bodies, we limit our ability to fully experience and express ourselves spiritually. Optimal physical health allows us to engage in spiritual practices with greater focus, energy, and vitality, fostering a deeper connection with our inner selves.
  2. Mind-Body Integration: The mind and body are intricately connected, forming a holistic system that profoundly impacts our overall well-being. Physical exercise, for instance, not only enhances our physical strength but also boosts our mental clarity and emotional stability. When we engage in activities that promote physical fitness, we create a solid foundation for spiritual growth, as a healthy body supports a calm and receptive mind.
  3. Energy Flow and Vitality: Spiritual practices often involve the cultivation and channeling of energy within our bodies. By nurturing our physical health, we optimize the flow of energy, allowing it to move freely and unobstructed. Regular exercise, proper nutrition, and adequate rest enhance our vitality and support the harmonious flow of life force energy, enabling us to delve deeper into our spiritual practices and experiences.
  4. Disciplined Self-Care: Caring for our physical well-being requires discipline and self-awareness. This process fosters the development of important qualities such as self-discipline, self-love, and self-respect. By honoring our bodies through healthy habits and conscious choices, we cultivate a mindset of self-care that extends to our spiritual journey. This integrated approach encourages us to treat ourselves with compassion and kindness, nurturing both our physical and spiritual selves.
  5. Unity of Body, Mind, and Spirit: Recognizing the interconnectedness of our physical, mental, and spiritual dimensions is essential for holistic growth. Neglecting any one aspect disrupts the delicate balance of our being. By tending to our physical health, we create an environment that supports the alignment of body, mind, and spirit. This harmony allows us to delve into profound spiritual experiences, enabling us to connect with our inner divinity and explore the depths of our consciousness.

As spiritual beings on a human journey, it is imperative that we acknowledge the importance of physical health in nurturing our spiritual well-being. By embracing practices that prioritize our physical well-being, we lay a solid foundation for personal growth, spiritual exploration, and inner transformation. By honoring the intricate connection between body and spirit, we embark on a holistic journey towards self-discovery, experiencing the profound unity of body, mind, and soul.

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Self-Assessment: Match Your Ideal Organization Solutions to Your Personality

Mentor Self-Care

What does the state of your desk and overall office say about your personality or the day-to-day business tasks you’re trying to complete? Are you trying to make an organization system work to no avail?

Answer these questions to match up your personality with your ideal organization solution to keep your office and your desk clutter-free and sparkling clean.

1. Do you prefer a clean, orderly desk and office area?

  • Yes, otherwise I get distracted with non-work things.
  • Not sure; I never really thought about it before.
  • No, I know where everything is, so clutter doesn’t bother me.

2. Does clutter make you feel claustrophobic?

  • Yes! I feel like I can’t breathe in a messy room.
  • Sometimes, usually when I’m looking for something I need, and it’s buried under stacks of paper.
  • No. Never.

3. Are you afraid that you’ll lose things or never see them again if you put them away?

  • No, I’m a big believer in finding a place for everything.
  • Sometimes, especially if I’m just throwing random stuff in a drawer or cabinet.
  • Yes! I can’t explain why, I just feel like I’ll have to tear the house apart again to find what I need, and I’ll end up with a bigger mess.

4. How would you describe those items cluttering your desk or office space?

  • The important things I need to run my business.
  • I have many piles of business-related things, but I know where everything is.
  • I’m not sure; I have a mish mash of items for business and for my personal life.

5. Have you ever tried hiring a professional organizer to streamline your organizational systems?

  • Yes, and it was a lifesaver!
  • No but I’m about ready to give it a try.
  • What’s a professional organizer?

6. Have you ever considered hiring a personal assistant to clean out your office?

  • Yes, but can I hire her just for that project?
  • You can do that?
  • No, it seems like a waste of money.

7. Do you believe that the look of a clean desk and office is important?

  • Yes, it’s important for my business image.
  • Not really. If I can run my business, I don’t care what my desk looks like.
  • No. I have more important things on my mind than having a clean desk.

8. How would YOU assess your current organizing style?

  • I’m a minimalist. I prefer everything in its place and only the necessities within easy reach.
  • I’m a stacker. I don’t need fussy organizing tools; I know where everything is in my office even if it looks messy to an outsider.
  • I’m a saver. I can’t throw anything away for fear that I may need it one day.

9. Do you put things away immediately or leave them around?

  • I always put things away when I’m done with them.
  • It depends on what the item is. If it’s a tool, I’ll wait until the whole project is complete.
  • No, I leave things around. I usually get distracted with something else before I clean up.

10. Do you feel your office clutter (or lack thereof) contributes to your productivity level?

  • Yes, my clean desk prepares me to focus just on work tasks and I can get started right away.
  • Possibly, I never thought about that correlation before.
  • No, that sounds ridiculous that clutter would affect my job performance.

Take a look at your answers; do you notice any patterns?

In general, if you’re a Minimalist who likes everything in its place and is bothered by clutter, then you have a vast array of organizing tools to choose from for your desk and office space.

If you’re a Saver but you know where everything is, you may prefer a more customized organization method. Some Savers use their piles as visual reminders, so choosing to use binders instead of hidden filing systems may be a better choice.

If you’re a No Rules type of person who isn’t bothered in the least by clutter, you may prefer to delegate this cleaning and organization to a professional who can take the task and run with it. Those who are constantly on the run and don’t have time in their own schedules will also benefit from delegating this task.

Professional organizers can help any personality type but the key to success is being honest about your preferences and hiring an organizer who will truly take your preferences to heart instead of implanting a one-size-fits-all solution.

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Practicing the Art of Forgiveness in Everyday Life

Healing Self-Care

The easiest path to forgiving big things is by routinely forgiving small things. Practicing the art of forgiveness in everyday life makes it easier to draw on those experiences when you need to forgive bigger offenses.

People who have an easier time forgiving others have a few things in common:

  • They see life as fallible and everyone takes missteps
  • They see people as generally good rather than bad
  • They understand that their perceptions play into whether or not they feel offended
  • The don’t sweat the small stuff
  • They don’t expect perfection
  • They are not highly sensitive people

People who find it easy to forgive have a corner on the happiness market because they use their underlying morals and values as a way to move through the day thinking about bigger picture reasons that annoying things happen and can offer forgiveness inwardly and outwardly and move on.

Here are some ways to offer forgiveness and adopt an emotionally more mature mindset each day:  

Forgive poor service- when you are treated poorly by waitstaff or a clerk at a store, consider what might be driving their negativity. Having a heart for facts that you may never know can make it easier to forgive poor behavior and model kindness and grace in the face of a bad experience. Instead of assuming the clerk is a disconnected jerk, imagine they are working overtime and have been berated by many customers.

Forgive rude gestures- If someone cuts you off in traffic, takes your parking space, or gives you a smug look – forgive them. Try to not take things personally or believe that they are getting away with something. The sooner you can let it go, the sooner you can replace the adrenaline rush of anger with a better-suited emotion for your day. Being able to cast your care and forgive the rudeness frees you up for a better mood.

Forgive mistakes- Mistakes happen as a fact of life. You make them too. Berating someone for a blunder only rubs their nose in it and puts them on the defensive. To the best of your ability, forgive mistakes quickly and appreciate any gestures made to put things right. Allowing grace and a chance to do the right thing should always wipe away the sting of a mistake.

Learning to let go of the righteous anger or sadness that comes from being offended does yourself a world of good. Being able to forgive and forget the little irritations is perfect practice for moving on from big hurts and let downs.

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Three Tips to Effectively Offer Forgiveness

Healing Mentor Self-Care

Forgiveness may not be second nature. It will come with practice and some cool tips. If you’re ready to let go and move on from blame to freedom, there are tips that will make the journey easier. Being able to share the impact that the situation has had on you and ask questions that bring closure and clarity is very healing. Finally, finding compassion for others – through realizing your own humanness – will humble you and make offering forgiveness easier than you may think.

Tip #1. Share the impact. A key component for forgiveness is sharing the impact that the situation has had on you. Holding the innermost feelings you have inside isn’t healing. Sharing the truth about how the situation impacts you is key to letting go and being able to move on. You have the right to share how you feel but do your best to use language that isn’t cruel or shaming. Being able to state your feelings in a mature way will go miles towards restoration and offering grace in a difficult time. Sometimes hearing the impact that actions have had while withholding blame and judgement can allow for someone to truly change from the inside out.

Tip #2. Ask questions. After you share your thoughts and forgiveness is on the table, ask any questions that come to mind. Sometimes being able to clarify can add to the healing. Many a misunderstanding has been resolved when details are shared. Sometimes relationships can grow deeper and more connected after conversations explore deeper into what happened, and forgiveness comes. 

Tip #3. Find compassion. Compassion is the common ground that allows forgiveness to grow in difficult soil. One of the easiest ways to find compassion is to think of a time when you needed forgiveness as well. Recalling times when we messed up or blundered can make offering forgiveness easier. Depending on how deep the cut, leaning on our own humanness can make offering forgiveness easier.

If forgiving and forgetting is new to you, then you will benefit from these practical tips to effectively offer forgiveness, but what happens when you can’t get the resolutions suggested in these tips? Perhaps someone has died, and you can’t share the impact or ask questions. Maybe the relationship isn’t healthy enough or safe enough for you to have a conversation. You can still go through the motions. Try meeting with a counselor or trusted friend and role play the situation.

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Is Forgiving and Forgetting Really Possible?

Healing Mentor Self-Care

You may have agreed theoretically that forgiving and forgetting is possible, but is it really? Absolutely – with time, patience, and grace. Having a forgiving nature may not be a natural state of being but it can become part of your relationships tool kit.

Before we look at how to forgive, let’s look at why people don’t forgive:

It feels unfair- It feels unfair to forgive someone who seemingly might be getting away with doing a very bad thing. It doesn’t match up with the idea of justice to not hold someone accountable and require restitution for their offense. It feels like your pain isn’t valid or important enough and that the offender is going to go without truly understanding the impact their actions have on you and others.

It feels good- The only reason someone holds onto negative feelings is that they are getting something out of it. Holding a grudge and being hostile feels good. It feels good to know someone owes you for their transgression. It feels good to be the center of other people’s sympathies and caring inquiries. Though it’s not socially fashionable to admit it, sometimes there is a weird celebrity to being a victim.

So, is forgiving and forgetting really possible?

If you are ready to let go of the weight that comes from staying stuck in the unfairness and victimhood, it is entirely possible to forgive. 

It is possible to forgive and forget when these things come into play:

You can see more than one angle to situation- In rare cases, the families of murder victims have found it in their hearts to offer forgiveness to people who have taken their loved ones. Looking past the offense and examining the circumstances in totality, they are able to humanize the offender and find it in their hearts to forgive and, in some cases, build a relationship that transcends the situation.

You can see a bigger picture- From knowing it is in your best interest physically and emotionally, to knowing that it’s ultimately best for others, forgiveness can come when you see a bigger picture. This holds true in divorce. Pain can be set aside for the benefit of children or extended family; forgiveness is key to co-parenting and harmony.

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Why Would You Forgive Someone Who Hurt You?

Healing Mentor Self-Care

The phrase “forgive and forget” may come off as cliché and might be easily dismissed by someone who has been violated and living with righteous indignation. If you’ve been hurt, it might feel ridiculous to think about forgiving someone who hurt you but hear me out, there are important reasons why offering forgiveness can help.

You may not see the forest for the trees when it comes to forgiveness, but there are valuable reasons why you should consider forgiveness as one of the options related to your anger, sadness, or other emotions tied to your situation.

Take a look at these reasons why you may want to forgive someone who hurt you:

Your emotions are unresolved: As long as you carry the emotions tied to your situation, they will remain unresolved. Feeling angry, bitter, sad, or any other negative emotion comes from the space that wants justice and vindication. Mixed in with the muck and the mire are all sorts of distorted thoughts that perpetuate your unresolved emotions. This can make a mountain out of a molehill and rob you of the happiness that coexists with your pain. Letting go of the blame and need for vindication makes it possible to move through the situation and on with your life.

Pent up anger can cause physical illness: Your bitterness or pain can morph into real physical illness, robbing you further than you’ve already been. Keeping the offense unresolved can lead to high blood pressure, anxieties, and worse. Doing your body the favor by forgiving can help ensure your health stays intact.

Forgiving can restore what has been lost: Sometimes the rift between two people grows bigger than necessary. The pain lingers, the resentment grows, and the damage takes on a life of its own. Hashing things out and forgiving can allow for a restoration and resolution more often than not. In times where the issues at hand are too grave and too big to resolve, forgiveness can still make it possible to stop the feedback loop playing in your head. If restoration may not be wise, letting go of what is eating you up is worth the effort.  

The benefits of forgiving and forgetting are emotional, physical, and practical. Walking around with chronic anger and resentment can bleed over into all areas of life. By finding the courage and practical ways to forgive, you can move through your negative emotions and into the better space of acceptance, healthy boundaries, and grace.

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How to Practice Meditation: A Beginner’s Guide

Healing Meditation Mentor Self-Care Spirituality

Meditation is a transformative practice that can bring calmness, clarity, and inner peace to your life. If you’re new to meditation, it’s essential to start with a basic technique that allows you to ease into the practice gradually. In this blog post, we will explore a simple yet effective meditation technique that will help you establish a strong foundation for your meditation practice.

Choose a Quiet and Distraction-Free Space: To create the ideal environment for meditation, find a quiet spot in your home or any other location where you can have some privacy. Turn off or put away any potential distractions, such as your phone, television, or other electronic devices. If you prefer, you can play soft and repetitive music in the background to enhance the ambiance.

Set a Time Limit: Especially when starting out, it’s helpful to set a specific time limit for your meditation sessions. Begin with shorter sessions of about 5 to 10 minutes. As you become more comfortable, you can gradually increase the duration. Remember, it’s more important to maintain consistency in your practice than to meditate for an extended period sporadically.

Get Comfortable and Be Mindful of Your Body: Find a comfortable seated position that allows you to relax while maintaining an alert posture. You can choose to sit cross-legged on a cushion or mat, or if that is uncomfortable, sit on a chair with your feet flat on the ground. Keep your spine straight and relaxed, allowing for a natural alignment. Rest your hands on your lap or thighs in a position that feels comfortable for you.

Focus on Your Breathing: Bring your attention to your breath, using it as an anchor for your meditation. Take slow, deep breaths, allowing your belly to expand as you inhale and gently contract as you exhale. Observe the sensation of the breath as it enters and leaves your body. Stay present with each breath, letting go of any distractions or thoughts that may arise.

Notice Your Thoughts Without Judgment: During meditation, your mind will naturally wander, and thoughts will arise. It’s important to remember that the goal is not to clear your mind completely but to observe your thoughts without judgment. When you notice your mind drifting, gently redirect your attention back to your breath. Avoid analyzing or getting caught up in your thoughts—simply acknowledge them and let them go.

Start with Short Sessions and Gradually Increase: As a beginner, it’s recommended to start with shorter meditation sessions and gradually increase the length as you become more experienced. Starting with 5 to 10 minutes is a good starting point. Over time, you can extend your sessions to 15, 20, or even 30 minutes. The key is to be patient with yourself and allow your practice to unfold naturally.

Be Consistent and Practice Daily: Consistency is crucial in meditation. Aim to meditate every day, even if it’s just for a few minutes. By establishing a regular practice, you will experience the cumulative benefits of meditation over time. Treat your meditation practice as a self-care ritual and make it a non-negotiable part of your daily routine.

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Welcome to the World of Forgiveness: A Guide to Understanding and Letting Go

Healing Mentor Self-Care

This is the first in a series of informative articles about forgiving someone who has hurt you. It covers topics such as recognizing when it is appropriate to forgive, understanding the benefits of forgiveness, and tips on how to take the first steps towards forgiveness. It also explores the psychological and emotional consequences of not forgiving someone. The article will provide readers with a greater understanding of the importance of forgiveness, as well as practical advice on how to forgive someone who has hurt them.

Before we go further I feel it is important to define what forgiveness is and what it is not. Forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.

For givenness is not glossing over or denning the seriousness of an offense against you. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean condoning or excusing offenses. Though forgiveness can help repair a damaged relationship, it doesn’t obligate you to reconcile with the person who harmed you or release them from legal accountability.

When we forgive, we bring peace of mind to and free ourselves from corrosive anger.

True forgiveness involves letting go of deeply held negative feelings. In that way, it empowers you to recognize the pain you suffered without letting that pain define you, enabling you to heal and move on with your life.

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