Breaking the Cycle of Bad Habits: Positive Alternatives

Mentor Self-Care

Bad habits often feel like a never-ending cycle that you just can’t seem to break free from. Whether it’s procrastination, overeating, or overspending, these behaviors interfere with your ability to live the life you were meant to live and achieve your goals.

Cycles of Bad Habits

One common cycle of bad habits is the tendency to turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms in times of stress or boredom.

For example, someone who struggles with anxiety may turn to overeating or substance abuse to cope with their feelings. Unfortunately, these behaviors only provide temporary relief and ultimately worsen the problem in the long run.

Another cycle of bad habits is the tendency to prioritize short-term pleasure over long-term wellbeing.

For example, someone who frequently skips workouts or consumes unhealthy foods may do so because it provides immediate satisfaction or another payoff. However, doing this is very likely to have negative consequences on their physical and mental health in the long run.

Breaking the Cycle of Bad Habits

Breaking the cycle of bad habits requires a concerted effort to identify and address the underlying causes of these behaviors.

It may involve seeking support from a therapist or counselor to help you figure out healthy coping mechanisms based on your particular problems and setting clear goals and boundaries for yourself.

To break the cycle of bad habits, you need to replace them with positive alternatives. Once you identify the bad habit, you’ll need to determine which alternative activities or behaviors will fulfill your true needs and desires, so you stop relying on unhealthy coping mechanisms or short-term pleasure.

For example:

  • Overeating – Instead of overeating when feeling stressed, you can try going for a fast walk or engaging in relaxing activities like meditation or yoga in place of the former bad habit.
  • Procrastination – Instead of procrastinating on tasks, try setting clear goals and deadlines, while breaking larger tasks into smaller, more manageable chunks to prevent overwhelm in the first place.
  • Smoking – Instead of smoking cigarettes, try using nicotine gum or patches to wean yourself off nicotine gradually. You can also try activities that help you relax, like exercise or meditation, to help manage cravings.
  • Drinking too much alcohol – Instead of relying on alcohol to cope with stress or to have fun, try going for a walk, taking a hot bath, or engaging in a hobby. You can also try finding healthy ways to manage stress, such as exercise, therapy, or relaxation techniques.
  • Biting your nails – Instead of biting your nails, keep your nails trimmed and filed. In addition, try applying bitter-tasting nail polish to your nails to discourage biting. You can also try using a stress ball or other activity that requires using your hands to interrupt the urge to bite your nails.
  • Skipping meals – Instead of skipping meals, plan out your meals and snacks in advance by including tasty and healthy options that will keep you satisfied. You can also try setting reminders to eat, and eat at regular intervals throughout the day to help regulate your appetite and prevent overeating.

Replacing bad habits with positive alternatives requires effort and self-reflection, but the benefits are significant. Not only will these positive habits improve your physical and mental health, but they will also increase your sense of accomplishment and overall satisfaction with life.

Ultimately, breaking the cycle of bad habits is about taking control of your life and accepting that only you choose your actions. Remember to prioritize your wellbeing as you devise replacement habits to break the cycle of bad habits. When you replace unhealthy behaviors with positive alternatives, you will live the life you were meant to live and achieve your full potential.

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5 Tips to Make It Easier to Ask for What You Want

Mentor Self-Care

Asking for what you want may feel uncomfortable and awkward, which may mean you try to avoid it no matter how badly you want help. Practice will give you the experience and confidence to take bolder steps and be more assertive with your asks. Before you start shooting for the moon asking for what you want, consider these 5 tips.

  1. Know yourself. Knowing yourself is a form of confidence. Knowing who you are, what makes you tick, what your strengths and your weaknesses are gives you a firm foundation to know where you are coming from with your ask. The more you know about yourself, and the more self-aware you are about your limitations, the better you can be at interpersonal relationships. Striving to be whole and healthy reduces our negative traits – like arrogance, aggression, and playing the victim. People who know themselves well are decisive and self-assured. They ask for help when they need it and are less likely to be unnecessarily needy or over-reliant. This increases the likelihood they will get what they want and need.
  2. Be consistent. Be consistent with your expectations. Those in relationships with you will be able to better predict your behavior and may be more able to help out without being asked. If you consistently ask for help unloading the car full of groceries – and show cheerful gratitude for their help – before long, the family will start meeting you at the car when you pull in.
  3. Value opinions. People value us for what we value. If you want your opinions and desires to matter, be aware of the opinions and desires of others. Be inclusive, communal, and concerned about the needs of those around you – but not at the expense of your own. If your children witness you valuing what they ask of you and you present a model how to ask and to be asked, you are setting an excellent example for them as they grow.
  4. Be unattached to the outcome. When asking a question, no must be an acceptable answer. Otherwise, it isn’t a question – it’s a command. Be comfortable with hearing the word “no” and moving on. Asking for help and not ending up receiving it can be a bummer, but it is also an important part of reality. Sometimes people can’t help. Sometimes they won’t. Being able to regroup, move on, and either ask someone else or find a different solution is the key. Don’t let yourself be crushed and turn a rejection into personal pain.
  5. Practice. Practice asking. Try small, safe asks, and work up to big, bold asks whenever you can. This is like learning a new language. Asking has its own way about it, and over time you will get the hang of it.

These tips will ensure you have the foundation and the mindset you need to ask for what you want and build wonderful relationships. You’ll be living a life where asking and being asked go hand in hand.

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Start Small And Work Your Way Up To Asking For Bigger Things

Mentor Self-Care

If you’ve lived your life unable, or unwilling, to ask for what you want or need, it can feel like speaking a foreign language. Your tongue can’t seem to form the words “Would you, could you, will you”? Let alone, “I’ll have, I’d like, I’ll take…” It’s going to take some practice to get you ready to ask for bigger things.

Here’s some ways to start small and work your way up to asking for bigger things:

Small Asks

Pick a restaurant. When someone asks, “Where should we eat?” be ready with your answer. Pick your favorite place and get ready for Taco Tuesday or French Fry Friday!

Pick a movie. Hate horror flicks and love a great rom-com? The next time you go to a movie, ask to see the movie you want to see – and grab some popcorn with extra butter.

Delegate one chore. Passing on responsibility can be hard for many reasons, but getting the help you need is more important than any reason you may have for hesitating. Delegate to someone else one chore that you can let go of that will make a positive impact for you.

Medium Asks

Ask a friend for help. Admitting to a friend that we could use some help can feel vulnerable. A good-sized medium ask includes exposing a need to a friend and getting their support. Need help tackling an out of control closet? Ask a friend who loves to organize for their help getting your space in order. You might be pleasantly surprised to learn they want to help.

Outsource help at home. Many of the places we feel overwhelmed and in need of help are tied to our home. From lawns to mow, to weeds to pull, to ceiling fan blades to clean, we just can’t seem to get ahead. Outsourcing some tasks at home can free up time and energy better used in other places. Have an important conversation with your spouse about rearranging your budget to get the help you need.

Share a secret desire with your spouse. This may feel like a big ask, but it really is a medium-sized ask. Approach your spouse with a long-held wish for your relationship that will make it stronger and happier. Consider what you’d love to be, do, or have in your relationship and ask your spouse to come on board with your plan. When they see the benefits they get from your happiness, they will be glad to help out.

Big Asks

Ask for support from your boss. Admitting that you need help at work might feel like a suicide mission, but it needn’t be the end of the world. Oftentimes, employers want to know when a system isn’t working or there is a way to increase production and desired outcomes. The key to this big ask is already having a solution in mind when you approach the boss. Come to them with a solution to a problem and the answer is usually Y.E.S.

Ask for the job. Do you keep waiting to be noticed? Are you putting in effort hoping that the right person will take action and hire you? Fortune favors the bold is a common translation of a Latin proverb. If you want the customer, the contract, or the job – ask for it.

Renegotiate a contract. Contracts are meant to be binding, but sometimes there are windows of opportunity to make changes. If you are unhappy with a service or a contract, don’t passively suffer. Be bold and ask for change. The worst that can happen is that nothing changes. The best thing that can happen is renewed confidence and a new, more beneficial contract.

Learning a new language takes time and practice. It’s the same for learning new behaviors. Developing the confidence to ask for what you want is easier if you take it in small steps, building on one another. Start with small asks and gather momentum as you reach higher and receive more.

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Discover the Transformative Power of Journaling

Journal Mentor Self-Care

Must-Listen Episode on Rising Radiance: Awakening Your Authentic Self

Are you seeking a path to self-discovery, emotional healing, and creativity? Look no further! We invite you to join us on a captivating journey into the world of journaling, as host Kim shares the profound impact this practice can have on our lives. Welcome to another enlightening episode of Rising Radiance: Awakening Your Authentic Self.

The Magic of Journaling

Journaling is more than just putting words on paper; it’s a transformative practice that allows us to delve into the depths of our souls. Host Kim beautifully guides us through this sacred process, where we can express our thoughts, dreams, and fears without judgment. Through heartfelt conversations with our inner selves, we begin to unlock the magic of self-awareness and self-compassion.

The Therapeutic Benefits

As we listen to Kim, we discover the therapeutic benefits of journaling. From reducing stress and anxiety to aiding emotional healing, this simple yet powerful tool becomes a guiding light through life’s challenges. In times of uncertainty, journaling becomes a lifeline that helps us navigate and find clarity amidst the chaos.

Igniting Creativity

The episode also explores how journaling sparks the flames of creativity. Kim shares insights into how this practice can unleash our imagination, enabling us to tap into our creative reservoir and breathe life into our dreams and ideas. Whether you’re an aspiring writer, artist, or simply seeking to add a touch of creativity to your life, journaling will be your trusted ally.

Manifesting Goals and Aspirations

Are you looking to set meaningful goals and turn them into reality? Kim explains how journaling can be the compass that guides us towards our desired destinations. By putting our aspirations on paper and breaking them into actionable steps, we reclaim the power to shape our destinies and walk confidently towards our dreams.

Embracing Authenticity

Beyond its transformative impact on our emotional and creative spheres, journaling becomes an essential key to unlocking the doors of self-discovery. With Kim’s guidance, we learn how consistent journaling reveals patterns in our thoughts and behavior, guiding us towards embracing our authentic selves. The process is liberating and empowers us to live life with greater authenticity and vulnerability.

Embrace the Journey of Self-Discovery

If you’re ready to embark on a journey of self-discovery, emotional healing, and creativity, this is an episode you don’t want to miss. Tune in to Rising Radiance: Awakening Your Authentic Self, and let Kim be your guide as we awaken our true selves through the art of journaling.

Join the Radiant Community

We welcome you to join the vibrant community of Rising Radiance, where we believe in supporting one another on our paths to authenticity and self-discovery. Subscribe to our podcast, leave a review, and share it with your loved ones who are also seeking to unleash their inner radiance.

Disclaimer

Remember, the content of this podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered as professional advice. If you have specific concerns, always consult a qualified professional.

Embrace the transformative power of journaling and let your inner radiance shine brighter than ever before! Tune in to Rising Radiance: Awakening Your Authentic Self and embark on a journey of self-discovery, creativity, and emotional healing.

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Good Things Happen When You Start To Ask For What You Want

Mentor Self-Care

There is power in asking for what you want. It forces you to know yourself, what you prefer, and what you need. This clarity makes it possible to have a life filled with things you like, and the support that makes life easier and fun.

The result of asking for what you want is a ripple effect of good things that begin to materialize in your life. A satisfaction builds from living a fulfilled life by being direct and articulate about your needs.

People who don’t ask for what they want struggle with three things consistently:

Feeling unsupported. People who don’t ask for what they want feel unsupported by those closest to them at home and at work. They feel like they are always giving and compromising, while never having what they want. This is true – because no one knows what they want.

Being a martyr. This characteristic is found in people who will grudgingly support others’ decisions while sacrificing their own personal desires. This is a psychological complex – based on repeating patterns that places oneself in a victim role. People can sense your underlying anger and resentment, and will naturally avoid being in relationship with someone who acts like this.

Being passive aggressive. Without the ability to ask for what they want, people can resort to silently aggressive or sabotaging behavior to leak out their frustrations without a face-to-face confrontation. This behavior perpetuates the anger they feel and can cause rifts in relationships.

Being able to ask for what you want removes these struggles and makes it possible to have higher quality relationships and personal satisfaction.

People who ask for what they want experience these three good things:

Feeling valued. People who ask for what they want will generally receive it: from going to their favorite restaurant on date night to watching the blockbuster movie they’ve been waiting to watch. By asking for their heart’s desire, they usually find that it can happen. Feeling valued comes from being able to have your needs and wants routinely met.

Being respected. People who are direct, who know what they want, and ask for it in polite ways are respected. They are viewed as trustworthy and safe to be in relationship with. They are seen as highly confident leaders.

Being confident. The knowledge that you are valued and respected builds on itself and causes your confidence to bloom. Being a well-functioning person is attractive and rewarding. People enjoy being in relationship with confident people, and they tend to have more rewarding life experiences while not letting petty things get in their way.

Of course, the material things that come from asking for what you want are nice – but the bigger prize is the experience of being in healthy relationships that are rewarding and respectful. Living your life with a sense of value and reciprocity is never a bad thing.

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Asking Out Loud Helps You Figure Out What You Really Want

Self-Care

Have you ever witnessed a two-and-a-half-year-old child have a meltdown for what seems like no reason at all? Parents of toddlers know that oftentimes, the child doesn’t really know what it is that they want. They can’t yet articulate their desires clearly enough to avoid the emotional meltdown.

The best way to help a toddler through the cognitive process of asking for help is to get them talking out loud. The process of talking helps them identify the pieces of the puzzle in their mind, and helps them start to put those pieces together. Soon we realize that she wants her dolly to eat a bowl of pretend mashed potatoes while she rides the unicorn.

Nothing much changes as we develop into adulthood. We sometimes need to process out loud to figure things out. Our mind can work in loops. We go over and over the things that weigh on us, and sometimes the only way to break the loop is to speak out loud with someone else who can help us process those thoughts.

Asking out loud helps you figure out what you want, because there is someone else in the conversation to ask clarifying questions. These questions require you to sort through the issue and get very clear on what you need in the way of help.

Having someone to process with you isn’t the only way to verbally sort through and identify what you really want. You can have a conversation with yourself when no one else is available. Speaking and processing out loud is no different than practicing a speech or public speaking. The more you hear your own voice, the better you can identify with what is being said. Things always sound clearer when spoken aloud than when heard in our minds.

Try recording yourself and replaying the one-way conversation. These voice notes are a great way to process out loud and you can go back to review the ideas and details. This is a perfect way of capturing information when the issue is at the top of your mind -whether you are driving, exercising, or otherwise unable to write anything down. Most smartphones have a voice note app factory-installed.

Sometimes the best way to sort through a problem and ask for help is to process the issue out loud in conversation. Whether you have the help of a friend, your smartphone, or are speaking to no one in particular, the act of speaking out loud helps you figure out what you really want. From there you can prepare to get the help you need.

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Don’t Expect Others to Read Your Mind

Self-Care

We’ve all been there. We’ve all needed help and wished someone would see our need and feel compelled to fill it. We do so much for others without asking for anything in return and wish our efforts would be validated when we need assistance.

This simply isn’t practical and is the root cause for many of the issues that come out on a therapist’s couch. To receive help, we need to actually articulate our need – and get specific about it. We can’t expect anyone to read our mind.

Only a very small segment of the population can be micro-focused enough to see when someone needs help and be able to make things easier without being prompted. The theory called The Diffusion Of Responsibility states that people are less likely to take responsibility and do something if others are present. There is a sense that someone else will surely step in and take the lead. Without the ask, the need remains unmet.

 So, why don’t people ask for help? Reasons like:

  • Fear
  • Pride
  • Being Overwhelmed
  • Confusion

The most effective course of action to get support is knowing what you want, being prepared for help, and asking for help.

Know what you want. This seems simple – but is it? You may know you want help cleaning the house, and you likely have a running list in your head of the chores that could be done. In order to ask for help, your recruits will need to know which chores need to be covered and what your expectations are for their completion. The more specific you are about what you need, the better.

Be prepared for help. Before you ask, be prepared. Have what you need on hand for the people supporting you. Do you need any physical items to get the help you need? Will the people supporting you need resources to help? Know what is needed to get the job done, and be ready with it when the time comes. You may have a running list in your head of what it takes to get the task completed, but that info has got to be transferred to the people helping you out.

Ask for help. Be direct. This doesn’t mean being forceful, bossy, or rude. Just be direct. “I need help getting Sarah to school on Tuesday morning, would she be able to catch a ride with you if I have her ready to go at 7:00 am?”

In this scenario, you are stating what you want, specifying that you will have your daughter ready at a very specific time, and being direct about what you need for support. All the bases are covered.

When life feels overwhelming, we may need a hug – and we will certainly need help. Confusing the need for emotional support with material support can be dangerous. If you need help, understand that people can’t read your mind. They will likely be supportive if you know what you need, are prepared for them to help, and you ask them directly for their help.

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The Vital Connection Why Physical Health Is Essential for Spiritual Well-being

Healing Self-Care Spirituality

In our pursuit of a fulfilling and meaningful life, we often tend to overlook the intrinsic connection between physical health and spiritual well-being. While spiritual health is commonly associated with practices such as meditation, prayer, and self-reflection, the significance of physical health should not be underestimated. In this blog post, we will explore the profound interdependence between physical and spiritual health and why nurturing our physical bodies is vital for our spiritual growth.

  1. The Temple of the Soul: Our bodies serve as the vessels for our souls, and by taking care of our physical health, we honor this sacred connection. When we neglect our bodies, we limit our ability to fully experience and express ourselves spiritually. Optimal physical health allows us to engage in spiritual practices with greater focus, energy, and vitality, fostering a deeper connection with our inner selves.
  2. Mind-Body Integration: The mind and body are intricately connected, forming a holistic system that profoundly impacts our overall well-being. Physical exercise, for instance, not only enhances our physical strength but also boosts our mental clarity and emotional stability. When we engage in activities that promote physical fitness, we create a solid foundation for spiritual growth, as a healthy body supports a calm and receptive mind.
  3. Energy Flow and Vitality: Spiritual practices often involve the cultivation and channeling of energy within our bodies. By nurturing our physical health, we optimize the flow of energy, allowing it to move freely and unobstructed. Regular exercise, proper nutrition, and adequate rest enhance our vitality and support the harmonious flow of life force energy, enabling us to delve deeper into our spiritual practices and experiences.
  4. Disciplined Self-Care: Caring for our physical well-being requires discipline and self-awareness. This process fosters the development of important qualities such as self-discipline, self-love, and self-respect. By honoring our bodies through healthy habits and conscious choices, we cultivate a mindset of self-care that extends to our spiritual journey. This integrated approach encourages us to treat ourselves with compassion and kindness, nurturing both our physical and spiritual selves.
  5. Unity of Body, Mind, and Spirit: Recognizing the interconnectedness of our physical, mental, and spiritual dimensions is essential for holistic growth. Neglecting any one aspect disrupts the delicate balance of our being. By tending to our physical health, we create an environment that supports the alignment of body, mind, and spirit. This harmony allows us to delve into profound spiritual experiences, enabling us to connect with our inner divinity and explore the depths of our consciousness.

As spiritual beings on a human journey, it is imperative that we acknowledge the importance of physical health in nurturing our spiritual well-being. By embracing practices that prioritize our physical well-being, we lay a solid foundation for personal growth, spiritual exploration, and inner transformation. By honoring the intricate connection between body and spirit, we embark on a holistic journey towards self-discovery, experiencing the profound unity of body, mind, and soul.

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Self-Assessment: Match Your Ideal Organization Solutions to Your Personality

Mentor Self-Care

What does the state of your desk and overall office say about your personality or the day-to-day business tasks you’re trying to complete? Are you trying to make an organization system work to no avail?

Answer these questions to match up your personality with your ideal organization solution to keep your office and your desk clutter-free and sparkling clean.

1. Do you prefer a clean, orderly desk and office area?

  • Yes, otherwise I get distracted with non-work things.
  • Not sure; I never really thought about it before.
  • No, I know where everything is, so clutter doesn’t bother me.

2. Does clutter make you feel claustrophobic?

  • Yes! I feel like I can’t breathe in a messy room.
  • Sometimes, usually when I’m looking for something I need, and it’s buried under stacks of paper.
  • No. Never.

3. Are you afraid that you’ll lose things or never see them again if you put them away?

  • No, I’m a big believer in finding a place for everything.
  • Sometimes, especially if I’m just throwing random stuff in a drawer or cabinet.
  • Yes! I can’t explain why, I just feel like I’ll have to tear the house apart again to find what I need, and I’ll end up with a bigger mess.

4. How would you describe those items cluttering your desk or office space?

  • The important things I need to run my business.
  • I have many piles of business-related things, but I know where everything is.
  • I’m not sure; I have a mish mash of items for business and for my personal life.

5. Have you ever tried hiring a professional organizer to streamline your organizational systems?

  • Yes, and it was a lifesaver!
  • No but I’m about ready to give it a try.
  • What’s a professional organizer?

6. Have you ever considered hiring a personal assistant to clean out your office?

  • Yes, but can I hire her just for that project?
  • You can do that?
  • No, it seems like a waste of money.

7. Do you believe that the look of a clean desk and office is important?

  • Yes, it’s important for my business image.
  • Not really. If I can run my business, I don’t care what my desk looks like.
  • No. I have more important things on my mind than having a clean desk.

8. How would YOU assess your current organizing style?

  • I’m a minimalist. I prefer everything in its place and only the necessities within easy reach.
  • I’m a stacker. I don’t need fussy organizing tools; I know where everything is in my office even if it looks messy to an outsider.
  • I’m a saver. I can’t throw anything away for fear that I may need it one day.

9. Do you put things away immediately or leave them around?

  • I always put things away when I’m done with them.
  • It depends on what the item is. If it’s a tool, I’ll wait until the whole project is complete.
  • No, I leave things around. I usually get distracted with something else before I clean up.

10. Do you feel your office clutter (or lack thereof) contributes to your productivity level?

  • Yes, my clean desk prepares me to focus just on work tasks and I can get started right away.
  • Possibly, I never thought about that correlation before.
  • No, that sounds ridiculous that clutter would affect my job performance.

Take a look at your answers; do you notice any patterns?

In general, if you’re a Minimalist who likes everything in its place and is bothered by clutter, then you have a vast array of organizing tools to choose from for your desk and office space.

If you’re a Saver but you know where everything is, you may prefer a more customized organization method. Some Savers use their piles as visual reminders, so choosing to use binders instead of hidden filing systems may be a better choice.

If you’re a No Rules type of person who isn’t bothered in the least by clutter, you may prefer to delegate this cleaning and organization to a professional who can take the task and run with it. Those who are constantly on the run and don’t have time in their own schedules will also benefit from delegating this task.

Professional organizers can help any personality type but the key to success is being honest about your preferences and hiring an organizer who will truly take your preferences to heart instead of implanting a one-size-fits-all solution.

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Practicing the Art of Forgiveness in Everyday Life

Healing Self-Care

The easiest path to forgiving big things is by routinely forgiving small things. Practicing the art of forgiveness in everyday life makes it easier to draw on those experiences when you need to forgive bigger offenses.

People who have an easier time forgiving others have a few things in common:

  • They see life as fallible and everyone takes missteps
  • They see people as generally good rather than bad
  • They understand that their perceptions play into whether or not they feel offended
  • The don’t sweat the small stuff
  • They don’t expect perfection
  • They are not highly sensitive people

People who find it easy to forgive have a corner on the happiness market because they use their underlying morals and values as a way to move through the day thinking about bigger picture reasons that annoying things happen and can offer forgiveness inwardly and outwardly and move on.

Here are some ways to offer forgiveness and adopt an emotionally more mature mindset each day:  

Forgive poor service- when you are treated poorly by waitstaff or a clerk at a store, consider what might be driving their negativity. Having a heart for facts that you may never know can make it easier to forgive poor behavior and model kindness and grace in the face of a bad experience. Instead of assuming the clerk is a disconnected jerk, imagine they are working overtime and have been berated by many customers.

Forgive rude gestures- If someone cuts you off in traffic, takes your parking space, or gives you a smug look – forgive them. Try to not take things personally or believe that they are getting away with something. The sooner you can let it go, the sooner you can replace the adrenaline rush of anger with a better-suited emotion for your day. Being able to cast your care and forgive the rudeness frees you up for a better mood.

Forgive mistakes- Mistakes happen as a fact of life. You make them too. Berating someone for a blunder only rubs their nose in it and puts them on the defensive. To the best of your ability, forgive mistakes quickly and appreciate any gestures made to put things right. Allowing grace and a chance to do the right thing should always wipe away the sting of a mistake.

Learning to let go of the righteous anger or sadness that comes from being offended does yourself a world of good. Being able to forgive and forget the little irritations is perfect practice for moving on from big hurts and let downs.

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